The Right Choice

I was not happy with myself yesterday.  The day was a struggle, and I let things get the best of me.  It all started the night before when I was up off and on all night with a migraine.  Thankfully, my meds kicked in and it was gone by the time I got up in the morning, but I still had the after a migraine fog.  Despite the rough night, tiredness, and the fog swirling around in my head, I guess I started the day out in an ok mood.  As a migraine sufferer, those are normal feelings for me, unfortunately.  Anyway, I got up and got ready and then worked on finishing up my style post for a couple of hours. It was like I was on autopilot, though.  I was just going through the motions.  Once I hit publish on my post, my mood started to go downhill.  There was nothing that caused my mood to shift so drastically, but it just did.  I was being quiet and withdrawn at first, but every little thing seemed to suddenly irritate me. I felt out of sorts and didn’t know why.  I didn’t even realize that I was a ticking time bomb ready to explode.  By the time I had finished cooking dinner last night, I was in the worst mood.  I was trying to log my daughter into her virtual cheer class, and it wasn’t working.  The code kept saying it was invalid every time I tried to enter it. That little frustration was enough to set off the bomb.  I eventually lost it and was shouting at everyone in my house for no reason at all.   It was like I was trying to make everyone miserable along with me.  The fact that they were all breathing near me was enough to set me off.  

I honestly don’t know what put me in that mood yesterday or why I snapped.  Maybe, the lack of sleep had taken its toll.  Maybe being quarantined for so long got to me.  Maybe it was hormones.  Maybe it was all of that mixed together. I really don’t know. What I do know is that I am disappointed with myself in how I responded.  I took my feelings out on my family, and I let it get the best of me.  I needed a reminder of my word from last year…JOY.  I needed to choose joy instead of negativity, but I didn’t. I let the negativity fester inside me until it had nowhere to go but to explode outward.  I think it is only natural that we have bad days sometimes.  The reason behind it isn’t as important as how we react to the feelings and emotions inside us.   Yesterday, I reacted poorly.  I chose to let it rule may day and affect my family.  

I had another sleepless night last night, but I am going to make sure today is different than yesterday.  This morning I woke up and told myself that it was going to be a good day.  I told myself that I was choosing joy today above all else.  That simple affirmation was enough to put me in a good mood.  It was enough to change my mindset from negative to positive.  We all have the ability to change our mindset.  It’s pretty simple in fact.  We only have to make the right choice.  We can choose to wallow in our sorrows like I did yesterday, or we can choose to have a grateful, joyful heart.  I can tell you from experience that the latter is a much better choice. Whenever you are feeling down, stop and think of something that you are grateful for in that very moment and focus on it. Choose to see the joy in your life. I promise you that simple act will turn your mood around.  You can’t possibly feel bad when you are choosing gratitude and joy. 

Today I choose JOY, and I choose to be RELENTLESS in that choice.  How about you? What choice are you making for yourself today?

Anchored,

It’s Ok To Not be Ok

Earrings/Necklace

I sat here this morning debating over what to write about.  I have been doing my best to try to write positive messages to help motivate you (and myself) in the midst of all this chaos.  I want to encourage people to see the good that is coming out of this because there really is so much greatness going on all around us.  School, sports, work, and many other things may be canceled, but there are so many things that aren’t canceled.  I want you all so see that hope is not canceled. Family is not canceled. Friendships are not canceled. Our precious time is not canceled.  All of those things are true, and I know it.  I feel it in my bones. That is the message I want to share with all of you, but I have to be truthful with you, too. I just can’t do it today.  I don’t have a positive message in me at this very moment. I’m human.  I am riding on the struggle bus today for sure. Some days just aren’t great. This is hard, and some days it gets the best of me.  Today is one of those days.  I’m just not feeling it.  It doesn’t help that I didn’t sleep well last night, have a migraine, and it is gloomy outside.  I am having a real hard time putting on my rose-colored glasses right now. It is what it is.  I think we are all going to have days that we struggle during this crazy time. It is only natural when you are faced with something like we are dealing with right now with this virus. I honestly think it is ok to have a bad day every now and then as long as you don’t get stuck in it. This is hard. None of us have ever experienced anything like it before. Not knowing when it will end is bound to cause some anxiety in us all. I know that there are people who are out of a job and some families are worried about making ends meet. I know parents are struggling with homeschooling their kids.  I know that the fear of the unknown is real. It’s ok to not be ok. Temporarily! What is not ok is dwelling on that fear and anxiety and letting it rule your life.  One bad day every now and then is not the end of the world. You are entitled to have those on occasion. Today is my day. I am going to feel my feelings and then I am going to get over them and move on. 

Our governor issued a stay at home order yesterday effective immediately through June 10. Thinking about being stuck at home for that long is very daunting. I feel like I am starting to go a little stir crazy already. I have left the house only a couple of times since March 12 (The day school was abruptly closed), and that was only for quick trips to get groceries. Other than that, I have been at home in my house.  I feel like I am running out of ideas for things to cook and we are going to start on a rotation of foods that we are eventually going to get tired of. I am also struggling on what to do about my girls’ Easter baskets this year and my oldest daughter’s 16th birthday.  I am worried about my sister who is nurse practitioner. I am worried about the health of my grandparents and parents and father-in-law.  I am worried about my friends that are struggling.  I am worried. Period. Again, though, I think that is only natural given the circumstances.  It’s ok not to be ok. What is important is how you deal with those feelings.  

While I think that the positive, sugar-coated messages are important. I think it is also important to be realistic.  We are living in scary times and sometimes we are going to have bad days.  It is ok to have all these feelings.  There is nothing wrong with you or me for having them.  Our fears, anxiety, frustrations, and even anger are valid. It is ok to feel them all. Just remember too, though, that we are all in this together.  We have to support one another and lift each other up when we are having those bad days.  Call and check on your friends, neighbors, and family members. Send a funny meme or text to someone.  Write a letter (yes, I mean actually write it with a pen or pencil) and mail it to people. Just letting those you love know that you care could make the difference in someone having a bad day or a good day.  Try not to dwell on all the negatives.  Choose to be grateful instead of complaining.  Take the time to rejuvenate yourself.  Take a long shower or bath just to get away from the chaos for a few minutes.  Ask for help when you need it.  Understand that it is ok not to be ok.  It is not ok to get stuck in it. Feel your feelings and then move on. That is what I am going to do. Hang in there and know that you aren’t alone even though it may feel like it right now. We will get through this!

Anchored,

Reset

What a week it has been!  I’ve been so busy that I haven’t had the time to write.  I am pretty sure that I have spent 90% of the last 3 days in my car driving kids to and from everywhere.  I was basically in my car for 6 hours straight yesterday.  I only stopped at the house long enough to warm up some pasta for my youngest before having to head back out. It has been so crazy.  It is amazing how quickly I forget what it is like to parent alone while my husband is away when it isn’t happening on a regular basis.  Remember that deployment curse I wrote about last week? Well, it struck again.  My phone got knocked off the counter and it hit the hardwood floor in just the right spot to break the LED thing inside.  I was left with a phone that worked but had bright green lines running through the screen.  Thankfully, we had insurance on it, and I was able to get a new phone sent to me.  Unfortunately, it took me almost 2 hours at Verizon on Tuesday to get the new phone set up. That was time I didn’t have to waste and just one more thing added to my already hectic days.  I did have a long overdue hair appointment mixed in there this week, which was glorious.  I had her chop a good bit of my hair off, and it felt like I lost 10 pounds.  When you have hair as thick as mine, any kind of length can get heavy.  It always feels so good when it’s cut and texturized to thin it out some. On top of all the craziness, I have also been nursing a migraine all week. I don’t know if it is a result of the changing weather or stress causing it, but it is pretty miserable. It really has just been one of those weeks when I can hardly catch my breath.  It has had me in a funk all week.  

Do you ever have those days or weeks, when you just don’t feel like yourself? That has been me this week.  I wouldn’t say that I have been in a bad mood per se, but I am just not feeling good.  I feel extra tired and irritable. My kids are driving me nuts, and everything seems to annoy me.  I am getting stressed over little things that should not be causing any stress at all.  I’m worrying about things that I have no control over.  I also don’t want to do anything because everything feels like a chore.  Ok…so maybe I AM in a bad mood!  I’m just in some kind of funk.  I really don’t know what is causing it, but I can certainly feel it.  Is it just because I’m tired? Stressed? Is the migraine affecting my mood? Is it because my husband it gone? I’m sure it is a combination of all of the above.  Whatever the reason, though, I’m over it.  It’s tough when you just aren’t feeling it but have no choice but to keep pushing through. It is hard keeping up with everything, especially when you can’t see an end in sight.  Sorry guys! I guess I am just having one of those “woe is me” kind of moments.  I know we all have those days sometimes.  It’s only temporary, thank goodness.  I will snap out of it eventually. It just stinks while you are in the midst of it.  Mom life is hard enough, but when you are in a bad mood, it just magnifies it all.   

What I need is a reset.  I need to reset my mood from bad to good.  The hard part is realizing that you actually need a reset.  It has taken 3 days of suffering for me to get there. Once you figure out that your mood is what is causing all these negative feelings, you can actually begin to focus on making a change.  You have to realize that you are in control of how you feel and the only one that can change it is you.  The one thing that always helps me to reset is prayer.  I don’t mean just a quick little prayer sent up while you are busying doing something else at the same time.  I mean flat out stopping everything to sit and be present with God.  Just having a conversation with him about how I am feeling seems to lift weight off of me that I didn’t even know I was carrying around.  Talking through it all and really owning it, gives me a sense of peace every single time.  It helps me to turn my frown upside down.  I know that sounds silly, but it’s true.  It’s as simple as talking to God. That is exactly what I am going to do. I am going to close this post and pray. I am going to reset my heart and my mind with the peace that only God can give me.

Anchored,

Mood Barometer

It is quite the gloomy day here this morning.  We woke up to a cloudy sky and rain this morning.  It has been unusually warm over the past few days.  In fact, we have had a relatively warm winter despite the early predictions of lots of snow from all the meteorologist this year.  Looking outside, I feel like it should be cold out there, but it really isn’t that cold.  I don’t know about you, but gloomy, rainy days really hinder my motivation.  I don’t know why.  It’s not like I am planning to be outside or that I can’t do my job in this kind of weather.  I’m inside all day so it really shouldn’t make a difference what the weather is outside, but it does.  For some reason it puts me in a lazy mood. Some people will say that rainy weather puts them in a sad or bad mood.  It doesn’t do that for me. It just makes me lazy.  I want to do nothing other than curl up under a blanket and read a book with a warm cup of hot chocolate.  Of course, I have too much to do to actually take advantage of that feeling, but it doesn’t keep me from strongly desiring it.  

It is really interesting to me how much the weather outside can affect your mood, especially for me.  I am not an outdoorsy person at all.  In fact, I could go as far as saying that I really have no desire to hang outside ever.  I am totally a homebody and prefer to be inside hands down over being outside no matter what the weather or what season it is. I love fall and all the gorgeous colors and the cool crisp air, but I don’t want to be outside in it for any length of time.  I am perfectly fine enjoying the colors from inside my car or my house. I also love watching snow falling in the winter, but I have no desire to be outside in it.  In contrast, I despise the heat of the summer.  I would rather be freezing cold than burning hot any day of the week, which is why I am not a huge beach person.  Because of my preference of being indoors, it is so crazy to me that the weather can change how I am feeling.  

My husband talks about living in Florida when we retire. He mainly likes the idea of no sales tax, but he likes the weather too.  I however have told him that there is no way I want to live in Florida.  It is way too hot for me.  I cannot handle hot weather at Christmas either.  That just doesn’t work for me.  Whenever I tell my husband that I don’t want to live in Florida because of the heat, he suggests that we live there in the fall and winter when it isn’t as hot and that we live someone further north during the spring and summer.  I am not a fan of that plan either.  Plus, I really enjoy the changing of the seasons. I need 4 seasons in my life.  Fall is my absolute favorite and there is no real fall in Florida. Why would I want to live there in the fall and winter when there really is no true fall or winter there?  I honestly prefer living where we are now where there really are 4 distinct seasons and where there isn’t unbearable heat all summer long. My husband also really loves the state of Washington.  I have never been there myself, but I know that I couldn’t live there either because of all the rain.  I would feel like a lazy bum all the time.  The point is, the weather and seasons affect my mood, and I need to live in a place that offers the least amount of unlikeable weather for me.  I have to be immersed in weather that makes me feel productive and sparks happy emotions for the majority of the year. Of course, I know that there is no perfect place that has my ideal weather 24/7, by why not live where it is ideal at least 80% off the time?  

Here is the barometer for my mood…

I would love to know how the weather and seasons affect your mood and if that has an impact on where you live.

Anchored and Feeling Lazy,