Over the last week or so, I have been feeling stressed and anxious. I’m not really sure where it is coming from, but it is hitting me like a ton of bricks out of nowhere. I’ve gotten the tingling twitch back in my cheek at night which is a tell-tell sign that I am stressed. Competition season is back in full force (different but still a lot) for the girls, and I have been questioning some things in my life lately. I guess those things could be the cause of the sudden onset of anxiety, but I’m not sure. Life is not even close to the level of craziness that it was pre-pandemic, but my body is starting to feel like it is. I’m not sleeping well, and I am getting more headaches. Those things coupled with the twitch in my face, are all the signs that tell me I need to get it together. It is funny how are bodies are affected by stress and anxiety. It is like nature is saying, “Whoa, knock it off!”
This past weekend, we had some crazy, unexpected changes with the cheer schedule due to the snow and a few other things. It just about sent me over the edge because it was causing conflicts with something I had to do that I had been looking forward to for a long time. I got upset and even angry about it. My emotions were definitely all over the place and blown way out of proportion. It all worked out totally fine so there was no real reason for me to get so upset about it. Part of that is that I am a serious type A personality. I like schedule and order, and I don’t like unexpected changes or surprises. It just seems to throw me off my game. We had another unexpected schedule change yesterday, though, and it didn’t seem to bother me at all. Why some things send me over the edge and some don’t is a mystery to me. I wish I had the ability to control it, but I don’t.
I have to figure out a way or some kind of outlet to keep my stress levels low and to fend off my anxiety. I guess maybe I need to take some time for myself. Ultimately, though, I know that I need to spend some time with God. He tells us to cast our cares on him because he cares for us. Easier said than done, right? I think this is the biggest thing that I struggle with in my walk of faith. I have a really hard time giving all my worries and stresses to Him and letting them go. I can pray about it and say that I am giving it all to him, but I don’t really ever let it go. I still carry the burden of it on my shoulders. I wish I knew the secret to letting it go completely, but I don’t. I don’t know how to stop it from throwing me under the water until I can barely stay afloat. I don’t want to get to the point where I feel like I am drowning in it all. I know that I will if I don’t put a stop to it now. The physiological symptoms are just the first step to me crumbling. I know this. It has happened time and time again. I am grateful that I am more aware of the signs now than I used to be. Hopefully, that will allow me to not let it get any bigger.
All I can do is to continue to spend time in prayer, take time for just me, and try to avoid the things that bring me stress. My apple watch keeps telling me to breathe. Maybe that will help too. I’ll try just about anything to relieve my head and my body of all this stress and anxiety, so send your tips and tricks my way. I will simply keep reminding myself to give it all to God until the day I figure out how to truly do that. Maybe one day I will be able to let it all go completely.
Side note: I am currently listening to a Bridgerton playlist on Spotify that someone shared with me. I have never watched the show (it’s on my list), but I find it oddly soothing. Music does have that affect on me. Prayer and music! Maybe that’s the secret!