Mid-Year Renewal

I was just sitting here thinking about the fact that we have pretty much made it halfway through 2020.  This is definitely a year for the history books and one that will be talked about for generations to come.  This year has not gone like any of us have planned.  I know I started the year out with my new word of the year, RELENTLESS.  I wanted to be relentless in my actions and my emotions.  I wanted to be relentless in my work and in my self-growth, not giving up and not stopping.  I wasn’t going to let things stand in my way.  The forced slow down sort of made me lose sight of the word and why I chose it in the first place.   It was hard to be relentless in action when I couldn’t go anywhere or do anything.   I felt discouraged and maybe a little lost in the midst of it all.  There was a time when I felt like I was at a standstill and my work, my own self-growth, and my emotions were going nowhere.  I felt like I wasn’t living the word that I had committed to.  I felt like I was failing miserably because I was letting the shut down and stay at home order affect me in negative ways.  That’s when God stepped in and gave me a kick in the pants yet again.  He reminded me of the reasons that I chose the word in the first place.  He reminded me of the areas that I said I wanted to be relentless in and prompted me to go back and read that post from January where I chose my word.   

Here is a recap of what I said then.

I want to be relentless just like God is in his love for us. I want to be relentless in all I do.  I want to be so focused that nothing can stop me.    I want to be RELENTLESS IN LOVE—love for my family, my friends, and every person I come across. I want to be RELENTLESS IN FAITH—ever growing in my relationship with Christ.  I want to be RELENTLESS IN WORK—fighting for injustice and making a global impact with the work I do with Trades of Hope. I want to be RELENTLESS IN DREAMS—doing everything in my power to make all of my dreams come true. I want to be RELENTLESS IN GROWTH—continuing to work on growing and becoming the best version of myself.  I want to be RELENTLESS IN JOY—seeking joy and choosing joy in everything I do.

Allison Clark January 7, 2020

God made me realize that I could still be living out my word even while I was stuck at home with nothing to do, but it would just look a little different than I had originally thought. My priorities shifted a bit, and I realized that I needed to be relentless in different areas of my life too.  Things that had been pushed to the side for so long were suddenly at the forefront of my mind.  I could still be relentless in love, faith, work, dreams, and growth but in different ways.  I made up my mind to get back on track and make myself be relentless.  

RELENTLESS IN JOY

At first it was hard to see joy in this whole drastic change in our lives.  It was hard to see the good when there was so much fear and misinformation going around.  However, I started to choose to see the good in everything that was going on in the world.  I chose to focus on all the positives that have come from this instead of the negatives.  Yes, I still got annoyed and sad when things got canceled or with the schooling situation, but I chose not to dwell on those things.  I chose to be relentless in choosing joy every single day.  I wake up every morning and tell myself that today is going to be a good day. Then I make myself proclaim at least one thing that I am grateful for in the midst of the chaos. It just sets me up for a joy filled day.

RELENTLESS IN WORK

I initially felt like my Trades of Hope business and my blog were suffering with the pandemic.  Vendor events got canceled and I was struggling with asking people to buy products and host parties with me when so many people were struggling financially.  I was also struggling with writing this blog.  It was difficult to think of things to write about other than the pandemic when there was nothing going on in my life.  I felt guilty when I skipped a day of writing because I felt like I was letting myself down.  When I got my wakeup call from God, I realized that I had something to offer others, something that could and would bring hope to others.  I chose to participate in a challenge to spread hope live every single night for the month of April.  I went live on my Facebook page and just shared joy and hope to whoever chose to watch for 30 days straight.  That really ignited a new fire in me for my work to empower women and to make a difference in the world.  It gave me the longing to continue to write posts and share my life with the world, but it also made me realize that it was ok to not write a post every day.  It was ok for me to skip days when I had nothing to say.  I wasn’t letting myself down by doing that. Instead, I used those days when I had nothing to write to focus more on my Trades of Hope business.  When that happened, I started getting tons of feedback about my work and I started booking parties out of the blue.  It was amazing to see the shift just by changing my mindset.  

RELENTLESS IN FAITH

The thought of not being able to go to church for worship was difficult for me.  I wasn’t sure that viewing our service online was going to fill my cup like going to church usually did for me.  Boy was I wrong.  I have gotten as much if not more from our online services.  We have not yet skipped a service since the shutdown occurred and that would not have been the case if life had carried on as normal.  We tend to miss out on going to church a lot because of travel with our kids’s sports.  I think this is probably the longest stretch of time that we haven’t missed a Sunday in years.  My cup is overflowing for sure and my relationship with Christ is only growing.

RELENTLESS IN LOVE

This is the one where my priorities have probably shifted the most.  It is easy for me to be relentless in my love for my family, friends, and others I meet.  What I have learned, though, is that it is much harder for me to be relentless in love for myself, and that is an area that I need to work on.  As I have shared over and over again, I tend to have this negative talk in my head about how I am not good enough, and I am not worthy enough.  I am working to correct this, but it is very difficult for me.  I also don’t spend enough time on self-care because I don’t make myself a priority. Now that I have all the time in the world, I have realized that I needed to be relentless with my time in the future.  I needed to be relentless in taking time for myself for self-care.  I needed to be relentless in creating a schedule that doesn’t run me into the ground and wear me out, but instead to create a schedule that offers time for recharging daily. I need to make time for me to love on myself. This one is certainly going to continue to be a work in progress, but it is one that I need to focus on because it is so important.  

RELENTLESS IN GROWTH

I am pretty sure that this is the only one that has remained a constant for me.  All of the change and realizations from above are a part of my growth.  It is a part of me discovering what is important to me and how I view the world and myself.  Growing as person and in who I want to be is a job that I will never retire from.  I strongly believe that you can never stop growing and learning and becoming a better version of yourself piece by piece.  

I have no clue where the rest of this year is going to take me. I have no idea of what the future holds. The one thing I do know is that I am not going to loose sight of my word again. For my mid-year renewal, I am recommitting to being RELENTLESS.

Anchored and Relentless,

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