Longing for the Crazy

You may have noticed that I have only posted once so far this week.  I have to admit that is due to our current situation.  When you are stuck at home social distancing and quarantining, your life can be pretty boring.  Unfortunately, that means that my creative juices are struggling.  I sat here on Tuesday staring at my computer for over an hour starting sentences and then erasing them before I finally gave up.  Sometimes I guess I just don’t feel it, and that is bound to happen more and more if things don’t change.  I need a little more excitement in my life to have something to write about.  I’ve lost count of what week of this we are on (or what day it is, honestly), but I am getting to the point of stir crazy as I am sure many of you are too.  It was so nice the first couple of weeks when this started.  We went from a crazy busy life where we barely had time to breathe to NOTHING.  The break was a welcomed change.  However, now we are all struggling a little with the drastic difference of our lives.  When you go from going nonstop to not going at all, you start to feel a little lost and out of place.  While I am enjoying the time together as a family and getting the much needed rest for all of us, I really am starting to miss our crazy life.  I miss watching my girls doing the sports they love. I miss the quiet of the house when they are at school and I’m the only one at home.   I miss having a structured schedule.  I miss going to Target and to restaurants.  I miss our old normal.  I know that I am going to regret those words as soon as all of this is over and the craziness is back.  Right now, though, I miss it.  

Just when I am starting to long for our hectic life, the time has come when we have to make the decisions to determine what our life will look like in the next year. Today we have been talking to both girls about continuing with their current sports.  It is that time of year when we have to make the decision whether or not to continue for the next year. We have to decide if the craziness of life is going to continue or not. Cheer tryouts are coming up next month (if allowed), and gymnastics commitments are due then too.  It is hard to say if this unusual break will have an effect on their decisions or not.  I think one of them is wavering, and it is ripping at my heartstrings.  This is when we have to truly listen to our children and what they desire.  Putting our own thoughts and desires as parents to the side is hard.  Allowing them to make their own decisions is so difficult, but these are decisions that they have to make on their own.  They are both old enough to choose what they want, and we have to trust that they will do what is best for them.  I refuse to push them to do something that takes up so much of their time, if their heart is not in it.  This is honestly the first time that I haven’t been certain of what their answers will be.  This may be one of the hardest parenting challenges we have faced.  Allowing them to make their own decisions even when you don’t think it is the right decision (or you think they may regret it) is extremely difficult, but it must be done. 

As I sit here longing for the old normal in the midst of our new normal and making decisions about the future, I am in awe of where my life is now.  Despite my wishes for this to all be over, I still am able to see the good in it. We are so lucky that we have the ability to stay home right now when so many can’t afford it or don’t have a choice.  We are lucky that our children are healthy and have the ability to make their own decisions about where they want their lives to go. We are lucky to have food on the table, a roof over our heads, and clothes on our backs.  In the middle of a pandemic, I am grateful for the opportunity to just be together as a family when so many can’t. We are truly blessed beyond measure, and I am so thankful for all that we have.  Even though I want the crazy back, I am grateful for the boring.  It gives me time to reflect on where we have been and where we are going.  The only thing I know for sure is that wherever the “normal” takes us, we will go together as a strong unit.  We’ve got each other no matter what the future holds, and that makes the future look pretty bright to me. 


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