Quiet the Brain

I want to write about something other than the Coronavirus, but that is hard since that is our reality right now and it is everywhere! I’m going to try, though.  Instead I’m going to write about something stupid. I am going to write about sleep. Maybe it will give you a laugh in this crazy time about how insane I am.  Seriously!  Sleep is so important, but it is something that I struggle with daily.  I believe that I have mentioned before that I am one of those people who really requires 8-10 hours of sleep. My husband on the other hand is totally fine with only 4 hours of sleep. He can fall asleep in less than 5 seconds and can sleep soundly through anything.  I think that developed for him out of necessity because of his life on a submarine.  Whatever the reason, I am super jealous. I was the girl in college that was in the bed by 9:00 every night and got mad when my sorority sisters where having a mini party on the front porch just below my window.  I know! Sad, right? Anyway, I need sleep to be a functional human.  However, for that past several years, sleep has eluded me.  It takes me hours to fall asleep.  I lay there forever with random things floating around in my head.  It is so frustrating, and it happens every night.  I have tried melatonin and other nighttime sleep aids, but they either don’t work or leave me feeling too groggy the next day.  

I become hyper aware of things when I am trying to go to fall asleep.  I hear every little sound despite using a noise machine that blares white noise.  While it helps and I really can’t sleep without it, it doesn’t block out everything.  Sometimes I think I imagine the sounds I hear, though.  It makes my brain go into overdrive trying to figure out what the sound was. I even become hyper aware of my breathing.  That one is partly because I have had this thumping/swishing sound in my right ear for over 10 years.  It is like I can hear my pulse in my ear 24/7. It kind of sounds like a baby’s heartbeat in utero.  I’ve been to countless doctors and no one can figure out the cause.  Anyway, I have learned to tune it out for the most part.  The only time it really bothers me, or I notice it is when I think about it or I am trying to go to sleep.  That is when it suddenly become very loud and annoying.  When I focus on my breathing and slowing it down, it slows down the beating in my ear.  I have to really concentrate on it though.

The craziest thing is what has been keeping me awake the past few nights. You are going to laugh because it is so ridiculous, and I honestly don’t even know how to explain it so that it makes sense.  I have suddenly become hyper aware of my teeth when I am trying to fall asleep.  I’m not kidding! I lie there debating whether I normally sleep with my teeth clenched, lightly touching, or slightly open.  I know that it makes no sense whatsoever, but I’m serious. It just started happening a couple of nights ago, and I can’t get it out of my mind. It’s like an obsession now.  I am having this internal argument with my brain. It makes every position of my jaw start to hurt because I am over correcting whatever position I have decided on that night.  I feel like I am losing my mind.  I really think I am going insane. I try to think about something else, but I can’t.  I don’t even know why it started to begin with, but I can’t stop. It infuriates me because instead of sleeping I am lying there obsessing over the position of my teeth.  How dumb is that? I am sure that there are some people who would say there is some underlying meaning behind it, but I’m not one to believe in that kind of stuff.  I just want it to stop. 

Basically, I need sleep. I need my brain to stop all this ridiculousness. I seriously hope that you have gotten a laugh at my expense today.  I have to laugh at myself or else I’ll cry! If anyone has any suggestions on how to get myself to stop with these obsessions and fall asleep, I am all ears. I think I may need professional help, but they may send me to the psych ward! AHHHH….


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