ADHD or LIVING?

I am seriously beginning to think that my children got their ADHD from me.  Two or three years ago, you would have never heard me say that. I have always been laser focused and have never had a hard time staying on task or getting things done. Lately that seems to have all changed.  I don’t know if it is something that just comes with age or the fact that my life is so vastly different than it has been most of my life, but something has definitely changed.  I’m certainly not hyperactive like my girls are, but I sure am having a hard time focusing these days.  I am suddenly easily distracted.  I have a hard time staying on one task at a time.  I start one thing and then end up doing something totally different without even realizing it until I am in the midst of it, and then nothing ends up getting completed. Sometimes I even find myself daydreaming.  It is like I have all these things running around in my head and I can’t stick with one of them until completion without thinking about ten other things. The sad thing is that some of those things that are distracting me aren’t even really that important, but they are still rolling around in my brain.  I seem to also be more forgetful these days. If it doesn’t get written down on my calendar as a “to do” item, it isn’t getting done.  It is so weird and is starting to really bug me because it is so out of character for me. I even talked to my husband about it the other day.  It’s not like I am busier than I ever have been. Yes, we have a lot going on, but we have always had a lot going on.  I used to work full time and still had a ton going on, so why am I having these focus issues now?  Is it because I have more down time to think when I didn’t before? Maybe it is because I was just on autopilot back then and not really living my life. I was almost like a zombie in those days. I was just going through the motions. Now that I have been on the road to rediscovering who I am as a person and what I want out of life, more and more things are opening up to me. Plus, I am having more revelations about myself (like right now as I type). I truly think that those things are why I am having this issue difference with focus now.  My life has changed greatly and I feel like I am finally free.  I am free to be me. I am free to do what I desire.  I am free to be the person God called me to be. I am free to dream (or daydream). I was so consumed before with being perfect (the perfect teacher, the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect person) that it was all I focused on.  I didn’t allow distractions in because that would mean that I was weak.  While I still struggle with thinking that I need to be perfect, I have come a long way in rewiring my brain.  I am changing, but I am changing for the better.  I am starting to think that distractions aren’t necessarily a bad thing.  Distractions can lead me down a whole new path that can change me for the better.  

So what if I have ADHD now? Maybe I have always had it but I stuffed it down and refused to allow it in to my life.  Maybe I am just getting old. Either way, I am learning to embrace it.  It’s ok to loose focus sometimes, because it just may mean that your priorities are changing.  Those things distracting me that I said really weren’t important earlier actually are important because they mean something to me.  Those things are shaping me into a better version of myself. They are helping to change me into the person I long to be.  They are allowing me to define what perfection really means.  It isn’t about having the cleanest house on the block or being the best teacher or mom.  Perfection is truly living your life and being present in the moment. It is about embracing your flaws. It’s about being happy. It is about love and kindness. It’s about choosing to be who God calls me to be.  If being distracted helps me to get there, then bring it on.  

Anchored,

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