I have literally been sitting here staring at a blank screen for a good 20 minutes. It seems that I have developed writer’s block today. It could be that I am distracted by an injury I sustained this morning while working out. I totally wasn’t paying attention and hit the top of my hand really hard on the treadmill. Not only did it really hurt, but it also began swelling and bruising right away. I now have a big knot on my hand that is various shades of purple, blue, and red (The pics don’t do it justice). The thing is, though, that I didn’t stop because I didn’t have time to spare. I kept going and ended up doing the exact same thing in the exact same spot on my hand AGAIN. I hate to admit it, but things like that happen to me all the time. My husband would happily tell you that I am a klutz, and that I passed that gene on to my children. I would like to say that isn’t true, but honestly, he is probably right. Back in my high school days, I played basketball and was always getting knocked down and would frequently hit my head. My coach used to say that I needed to wear a football helmet when I played. When I taught, I could be walking down the hallway at school and just trip out of nowhere over my own feet. I still do that walking around my house sometimes. I seem to always find terrible bruises all over my arms and legs that I can never remember where they came from. Usually it is because I have run into the side of a table or turned too quickly and bumped the corner of a wall. It happens so often that I forget about it, which is why I can never remember where the bruise came from. I am also known to have fallen up and down the stairs a few times. It think a big part of it is due to the fact that I am always in a hurry. I never do anything slowly. I am always in a state of rush when I am doing something or going somewhere. I always have the mindset of hurry and finish to get to the next thing. It is like I do things with a sense of urgency when there is no need. It makes me think of that old Alabama song that says, “I’m in a hurry to get things done. Oh, I rush and rush until life’s no fun. All I’ve really got to do is live and die, but I’m in a hurry and don’t know why.” That could totally be my life mantra. I am always in a hurry and I don’t really know why. I rush everyone in the mornings to get to school or church on time. We have never once come close to being anywhere near late. We are usually some of the first there, but I still feel the need to hurry and get there. I can’t tell you the amount of anxiety I get when preparing to leave for one of my children’s competitions. I become a lunatic and my husband is constantly telling me to calm down because we have plenty of time. I guess it is just built into my nature, or maybe, it is self-inflicted by my need to be perfect. Maybe it is a little of both. I can tell you that always having that sense of urgency and the need to rush all the time gives me anxiety. I know this about myself, yet I can’t seem to break the cycle. I really thought that not working full time as a teacher would help to mellow me out. In a lot of ways it has. I feel like I am not nearly as uptight as I used to be and I am slightly more patient with my children and husband. However, the constant sense of urgency has not wavered. That worry and anxiety over not getting it done on time or being late or not being good enough is still there. It hasn’t gone away.
I know that this is something that I struggle with, and I know that I really need to work on it. It will send me to an early grave if I don’t slow down. One day I may fall and not get back up. One day the bruise may be one that doesn’t heal. I have to find a way to relax and let go of the urgency I constantly feel. Some people have told me that I should take up Yoga or meditation. I know that those things won’t work for me. I am too uptight to enjoy them. What I really need to do is something that our pastor reminded me of this past Sunday. I need to feed myself. No, I don’t need to eat a bunch of food. I need to feed myself with the word of God. I need to spend time reading, listening to, and consuming the book of life. That is truly the only way that I will loose the sense of urgency in my life. That is the key to stopping me from constantly injuring myself. I need to dive into scripture and let it wash over me. I have to make it a priority in my life. If only I could channel that urgency into an urgency for scripture. Actually, that is exactly what I need to do!
Do you guys like how my train of thought went there? I went from nothing to thinking about an injury to the realization that I need to feed myself with God’s word. I ended up using my bruised hand as a metaphor for my life. Haha! That is how many of these posts come together. I start thinking about one thing and it leads to something totally different or some life revelation. I just gave you guys a little insight into my brain functioning. How about that?
Anchored and Slowing Down,