I Will Rise

Do you ever have those days when you are feeling so overwhelmed that you could scream? That is me this week and it is totally my own fault. I have procrastinated on a few jobs that I knew I had to do but didn’t really want to do.  I know that you are thinking that I am the one who preaches organization and having my stuff together.  How could I be a procrastinator? Well, I tend to be a procrastinator when it comes to doing things that are out of my comfort zone. This is when my introverted self likes to sabotage me.  I am really good at hiding behind my computer or phone in my house and not talking to people, so when it comes time for me to have to actually step out of that comfort zone and interact with people I really don’t know well in a formal capacity, I freeze up.  I put it off until I can’t put it off any longer.  Thus resulting in the conundrum that I find myself in right now.  It is crunch time and I am forced to do it.  I have anxiety over having to do the tasks and am completely overwhelmed.  I am now at the mercy of the other person or group that I didn’t want to interact with in the first place because I have waited until the last minute.  Why do I do these things to myself? Why do I risk it all because of fear? These people aren’t going to do anything to me, and they could probably care less about their interaction with me.  I know this, so why am I afraid? What is it that I am really afraid of? What do I think will happen? I really can’t answer that.  I honestly don’t know what I am afraid of, but I am afraid just the same. Logically it makes no sense, and, clearly, fear is illogical.  Fear leads to anxiety and a loss of courage. Those are exactly the feelings I have all the time. 

There are only two ways that I know of to help overcome your fears. Now, I’m not talking about fears like a fear of spiders.  I’m talking about the fears that hold you back from doing what you need to do.  One way to overcome fears is to face them head on and the other is to pray.  Those are exactly what I have been doing.  I am forcing myself to step out of my comfort zone every single day in little ways.  It’s excruciating at times, but I do believe that it is helping. My hope is that the more times that I do it, the more comfortable it will be.  I want it to become second nature and something that I no longer think about.  I also pray daily for courage.  I pray for peace within my head. That’s where fears come from.  They come from this belief in your head that you can’t do it because it will cause you harm. Fear is closely connected to your insecurities. Those are the negative things that you tell yourself in your head. This is why I pray for peace in my head. I need God to wage the war against those insecurities that I replay in my head all the time. 

I don’t want fear to rule my life, and I surely don’t want it to prevent me from living my life to the fullest.  I don’t want fear to cause missed opportunities.  I want to find my voice.  I NEED to find my voice. I want to be able to speak up and speak out. I am getting there slowly but surely. Of course I have setbacks like this week, but I will not let it discourage me from facing my fears head on. I will continue to press on towards the prize. I will continue to fight for me. I will rise!


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