As I sit here this morning getting ready to write, I am super distracted and don’t know why. I’m piddling around on Facebook, email, and reading news stories that pop up about totally random things. You know how when you read one thing, another story pops up afterwards? It is like a sinkhole that you can’t get out of. It started with a story about someone who was rescued after being lost in the woods for 17 days. Then it moved to the story of a child abduction and murder. Then there was some random story about a celebrity, and I just kept going with each story getting farther and farther away from any real meaningful news. I probably read through 7 or 8 dumb stores. Did I really care about any of the stories I just read? Nope! Why did I keep reading them? I have no clue. I guess it was just a mindless thing that was keeping me from doing the thing that I sat down to do. Sometimes, I think, we can all get lost in something mindless like that (a game on our phone, a tv show, etc). I guess it is kind of our brain’s way of protecting us from the stresses of everyday life. Maybe? It gives us a chance to not really think about the important things. We loose ourselves, if only for a brief amount of time. I wish I knew how to give my brain that break in a more constructive and intentional way. I know that my brain goes 100 miles per hour almost 24/7. I loose so much sleep because my brain just won’t slow down. It refuses to shut off most of the time. Maybe the times when I catch myself suddenly doing something totally mindless are the times when my brain has just had enough and really needs a break. I don’t know if it is scientifically possible for your brain to decided to give itself a break or not, but it does seem like that sometimes. I mean why else would I catch myself reading a story about Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian? I really have no interest in either of them (nor do I even care), but I found myself reading it just now. I actually had to physically make myself stop by closing my computer for a few minutes so that I could refocus myself. Sometimes I wonder if maybe my kids got ADHD from me. Maybe I have it but never knew it. LOL! I don’t think so really, but it is times like this that make me question myself.
I have tried to be more intentional, at least in the last year, with taking time for myself and trying to relax and let things go; but I guess maybe I am not doing as well as I thought I was with it. If my brain really has to force me to take a break by reading stupid stories about celebrities, then I am definitely failing! Ha ha! I really do wish I knew the secret to slowing down, letting things go, and just living in the moment instead of thinking 50 steps ahead and 75 steps behind all the time. I wish I knew how to give my brain a break on my own time and my own terms. I would especially like to be able to do just that when I lie down in my bed at night. I guess maybe the secret is to simply be more intentional with it. I have to take time daily to just do something mindless, something that will give my brain a break, and something that I enjoy doing. I think about how much I enjoy reading and think that is a great way to get lost in another world, but even that doesn’t always work. I can’t tell you how many times I have been trying to read a book and read the same paragraph 20 times because my mind is wandering. This happens even when it is a book that I am really into! Then there are those times that I want to take a break and watch a show I am interested in, but then I have to keep rewinding it because I really haven’t stopped to give the show my full attention. Instead, I am distracted and trying to do 10 other things while I am also watching the show. It is like I can’t physically make myself stop. I can’t let go of all of the things that aren’t getting done while I take a silly break, or I beat myself up for doing something inconsequential when there are much more important things that need to be done. I can’t relax at all. It is really sad to think about. I know that I am not the only woman to struggle with this. I know that every mom out there does the same things. What is even sadder is that I don’t have some magical solution to give you. I certainly haven’t figured it out. Maybe one day we will master this whole break thing, but my hopes aren’t up too high. In the meantime, I guess my brain will have to continue to force itself to take a break by doing something stupid and totally unplanned.
Anchored and Distracted,