Happy Valentine’s Day! I don’t know about you, but the older I get, the less emphasis that I put on days like today. Honestly, though, my husband and I never really put much emphasis on any holiday for us (Christmas, birthdays, Valentine’s Day, etc.). Of course we do for our kids, but we just don’t for us as a couple. I got both of the girls a heart-shaped box of Reese’s Cups with a little bear attached for today, but my husband and I don’t do anything for each other. I know some people will think that is wrong, but it works for us. Neither of us likes attention. Neither of us would really care about a box of chocolates or flowers or extravagant gifts. Typically, we will do a card for birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and anniversaries; but that’s really it. We really don’t buy each other gifts ever. We never really have, and we are both totally ok with it. Back when we were first married, we would pick a big item that we needed or wanted and that would be our Christmas gift to each other. Now we really don’t even do that. He used to send me flowers when we were first married too, but I really am not a huge flower person. Flowers with strong smells give me migraines anyway. We are both the type of people that if there is something we want, we just get it for ourselves, or I will tell him that I want something and he will order it on Amazon or something that day. We don’t really save it for a holiday. Again, I know some of you think that we should celebrate each other on those days, but I don’t think we really need a holiday to do that. We now try to go on a date night every Wednesday when both girls are at practice, which is something we haven’t done in many years. We have actually only missed like 3 or 4 days since we moved when he had to travel for work. We have been pretty consistent with it, and I am proud of that. We just go out to dinner. We don’t stay out late, and we don’t do anything fancy, In fact, we typically go to one of 2 or 3 local places, but we really enjoy that time with each other. It is the time when we can really sit down and talk about life and stuff and just be together. I really look forward to it each week, and I am pretty sure that he does too. It has been really good for us to reconnect with each other now that he is here and present all the time.
I think that maybe we also don’t celebrate holidays partly because there have been so many holidays when we have been apart while he was deployed. Not getting to celebrate them together just forced us to not really care about those things because it was too depressing otherwise. We learned to celebrate being together any chance we got. Being a military family forces you to see what is really important in life, and that is time together. It isn’t flowers or gifts of jewelry or chocolate. We really value time, time with each other, and time together as a family. Truly being present physically, mentally, and emotionally. I don’t need a holiday to tell my husband that I love and appreciate him. He knows, and the reverse is true too. I know. We tell each other that all the time. I don’t need a card or a gift. I don’t need a fancy dinner at an expensive restaurant. I just need time. We have longed for it for so long and now that we finally get it, we couldn’t be happier. Just being together, being present, sharing the load, being a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen is really all we both desire and need. I’m not sure that you can really understand what I mean by all of that unless you have lived the military life and carried that burden of being separated.
The age-old question is whether or not we should celebrate these days? I say to each their own. If that is something you need to feel loved and appreciated and maybe a little spoiled, then I am all for you celebrating. We all want those things every now and then. It’s just how we receive them is different. It kind of goes back to The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman (Amazon)…receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service/devotion, and physical touch. Everyone should know what their love language is and what their partner’s is. For my husband and me, it’s not gifts, or words of affirmation. Physical touch isn’t even really big for either of us. Maybe you could say that acts of service/devotion is our secondary love language for both of us, but our primary love language really is quality time. We are the same. Again, all of those things are nice, but we just don’t NEED them. We know this about each other and we are fine with it. We are happy. I think we will continue to not celebrate these days. It’s just who we are and there is nothing wrong with it, just like there is nothing wrong with celebrating. You do you and we will do us. It’s that simple.
On a totally side note, how cute are these Valentines I made for my daughter’s class? I got the idea from Maggie over at Smashed Peas and Carrots. I just recreated it with my own fonts, but she has a free printable if you want for the future. The little slime hearts came from the Dollar Spot at Target, and I was googling what to do with them and came across Maggie’s post and thought it was perfect. You know me…I can’t just buy Valentines. I have to make them! EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR!
Anyway, I wish you all the best Valentine’s Day however you choose to or not to celebrate it!
Anchored in Love,