As I sat down to write this morning, my mind was wondering. I clearly wasn’t focused on the task at hand. Instead, I was thinking about the 1,000 things that I have to do today and feeling overwhelmed, while also scrolling through Facebook to see what everyone is up to and trying to come up with some brilliant thing to write about. It just so happened that I scrolled past this little gem above that one of my friends had shared. I stopped long enough to read it and immediately laughed because that totally describes me right now…emotional, distracted, overwhelmed, and completely obsessed with cleaning and purging. LOL!
Anyone else ever feel that way? You have all of these things going on in your head and with your emotions all at the same time, and it’s making you crazy. I think it is a woman thing, though. Obviously, men don’t go through the PMS part, but I don’t think they also have the OCD and ADD all together at once either. I don’t think they worry about all of the things that we as women and moms worry about. Of course, I am sure they worry about some things, but it’s never to the level that women do. It’s quite unfair, don’t you think? I know that I put this immense pressure on myself in all aspects of my life. I have told you before that I have this weird, unhealthy notion that I have to be perfect all the time. While I am working on it and getting better, it is hard to completely change your mindset when it has been skewed for so long.
Here is an example. Last Friday, my husband and my oldest daughter flew to Texas for a gymnastics meet, and my youngest daughter and I drove 2 hours away for a cheer competition. As I was waiting at the school to get my daughter so we could get on the road, I checked my email. There was an email in there from a real estate agent contacting us on behalf of our landlords for the current house we are in. She was asking if she could come by on Saturday (the next day) to take pictures of the house since it would be going back on the market for rent because we were moving out in a few weeks. Anyway, we were totally not expecting to have someone come take pictures (Why can’t they use the same pictures they used when we rented the house?), and we certainly weren’t planning on that occurring so soon as we had just notified our landlords of our intent to move out the day before. Anyway, for some crazy reason, that sent me into a frenzy. I panicked. I knew that the house was nowhere near ready for someone to take pictures. I knew that the girls’ rooms both looked like the aftermath of a tornado; the basement was/is a war zone with unopened boxes and half opened boxes and stuff everywhere, and the office was the same way. I have mentioned before that we never really settled in this house because we knew that we wouldn’t be here long. Because of that, the house is not picture perfect and there are a lot of boxes everywhere. My husband thought it was no big deal and that we didn’t need to worry about it, but my crazy ideas of perfection kicked in and my stress level went through the roof. I knew that our schedules were crazy and that there was not going to be enough time for us to get the house ready for showing so quickly. Obviously, the agent couldn’t come on Saturday because we were all out of town, so I emailed her back, and we agreed upon a time on Wednesday (tomorrow) for her to come. Again, I knew that wasn’t enough time, but what choice did I have? I have not had enough time to finish my pre-move purge, and there is so much left that I want to do before the move. The point is that I spent the entire two-hour drive totally distracted and very stressed out. My OCD was kicking in with the perfection idea. Oh, I can’t forget to add in that my daughter, who gets very carsick, also puked 2 times on the trip! Needless to say, it was a miracle that we made it safely to the hotel that evening.
I live a life of stress. I don’t remember a time in my life when I wasn’t stressed. Even when I have no reason to be stressed, I am stressed. I don’t know why, but I can always find something to be stressed about. It’s almost like I am addicted to stress in a weird way, like I’m a stress-aholic. It’s certainly not because I like stress or that I strive off of it. It’s just in my nature to be stressed. Is there a recovery center for stress? Maybe I should start one! My doctors always tell me that I need to get rid of stress in my life. Ya’ll, I try, but it never works. Everything makes me stressed. My neurologist thinks that some of my migraines are brought on by stress. On top of that, I have also begun to have another physical reaction to stress over the past 4 years or so. My hands and arms go numb and tingle. I’ve been to the doctor several times about it and at least 2 different doctors have told me that it is related to stress. For the entire drive to the cheer competition, both of my hands and my arms up to my elbows were numb and tingling. That’s how stressed that one email made me. My body is fighting hard against me. Now, did I really need to be stressed over it? Maybe a little, but certainly not to that extent! Was my husband stressed about it? Nope! Why did I let it get to me so much? I wish I had the answer to that. I wish I could let things go easier. I am going to continue to work on it. I have to for my heath. I am going to continue to force myself to be still, to take deep breaths, to pray, and to let it go. I have to learn to let it go. Maybe I will get there one day. Maybe not. I just have to keep trying.
Anchored and Stressed,