Exhausted Mommy Brain

Is it normal to be totally exhausted and have mommy brain when your kids are 10 and 14? You know how when you have a newborn and you are tired beyond all tired and you forget things and can’t find stuff? I sure hope so because that is me right now.  If it’s not normal, I am loosing my mind.  I am so tired these days and my brain seems to be in a fog.  My husband thinks it just signs of aging.  I am beginning to think it is early-onset Alzheimer’s. You know how we all immediately go to worse case scenario? Seriously, though, I think I’m loosing it. Yesterday I spent hours looking for a set of return address labels and a book of stamps that I picked up from the desk to put on our Christmas cards and then apparently got distracted and set them down somewhere.  When I went to get them to finally put on the envelopes, I couldn’t find them anywhere.  I knew that I had just had them and that they were somewhere in the house, but I could not find them.  I kept trying to retrace my steps, but it was like they had just vanished. I looked all over the kitchen, living room, upstairs in my closet and bathroom, and the laundry room (I’ve been known to set things down in there to switch over the laundry). They were nowhere to be found.  I even accused my youngest of moving them and putting them somewhere because she moves things all the time that she sees lying around because she has this crazy fear that the dog is going to get whatever it is and chew it up.  She has hidden the remote controls so many times that it makes us all insane. She insisted that she hadn’t seen the labels and stamps, but I will admit that I had started to believe that she had moved them because they were not any of the places that I would normally set something down. My husband came home and he even started looking in all the places that I had already looked which of course annoyed me because I knew they weren’t in those places.  I was literally thinking that either my kid was lying or forgot that she moved them or I had completely lost my mind. No one could find them.  Finally, we all gave up.  Both girls had to get to practice and my husband and I had to get to dinner for our weekly Wednesday date night because we were meeting our agent afterward to look at a house.  We finished dinner, toured the house for like the 4thtime, and then rushed home for me to drop him off to get our youngest and I left to go pickup the oldest. On my way back home, my husband texted me a picture of the stamps and labels.  He found them on my dresser next to my jewelry box, which was the one place I didn’t look.  Why would I have ever put them there? I have no clue! That means that I picked them up, carried them all the way upstairs, and set them down evidently while I put on my jewelry or grabbed some socks or something. I have no recollection of this at all. 

This is not the only time this has happened recently.  Just this past Sunday morning, we were all scouring the house for a white t-shirt I had bought weeks prior for my youngest daughter for a tie dying thing they were going to do at her cheer Christmas party that afternoon.  I had left the shirt sitting in the laundry room for weeks so that I would know where it was when the day came.  Well, I tore the laundry room up looking for that dumb thing for probably a good 30-45 minutes before I found it.  Whenever clothes come out of the dryer, I separate them into baskets. Each family member has his or her own basket.  I just find it easier to fold each person’s laundry all together, then I put it back in their basket for them to take upstairs and put away. Well, I had sorted all the laundry but hadn’t folded it all yet. Somehow that dumb shirt ended up in my oldest daughter’s basket even though it had not been washed and still had the tags on it. I never looked in her basket because I had no reason to think it would be there.  How did the shirt end up there? Again, I have no clue. I think I am loosing it. 

Maybe my forgetfulness it is a lack of sleep. I am one of those people that really requires like 9 hours of sleep in order to be firing on all cylinders. When I was in college, I was the only person on the entire campus that went to bed at 9:00 every night. I used to get so mad at my sorority sisters that would sit on the porch right under my room talking and laughing until the wee hours of the morning. I just know that I function way better when I get 9 hours. I would say that as an adult or at least since my youngest was born, I have rarely gotten 9 hours of sleep.  It wasn’t because my kids didn’t sleep. They have always been great sleepers. It’s just that I always have too many things running in my head to settle down and fall asleep.  It’s like my brain never stops and it has just gotten worse as I have gotten older. Part of it is that I don’t go to bed at 9:00 every night like I used to. Shoot, my oldest doesn’t even get out of gymnastics practice until 10:00!  By them time I get in the bed it’s close to 11:00. and then I can’t fall asleep quickly because my brain is still going.  I end up laying there forever and then only getting like 5 or 6 hours of sleep.  I know that isn’t enough for me.  I know that my body requires more, but I don’t know how to fix it.  I am so exhausted. I yawn all day long.  My eyes hurt because they are just tired. I literally feel like a brand new mom again but a bazillion years older. 

Maybe my forgetfulness and lack of sleep is due to mom brain.  I know you have all seen the memes going around that say that a mom’s brain is like having a browser with 4, 321 tabs open. That totally describes me both literally and figuratively.  (I really do always have at least 10 tabs open on my computer but often many more than that.) As I mentioned above, there are always a million things running through my brain at any given second throughout the day, and I know it is the same for all of you moms too. Is my kid eating enough today? What appointments are coming up? What time do I have to be at the next thing? Who has practice and at what time today? How are they getting there? Is it my turn to carpool? What meets/competitions are coming up? Where are we going to stay and what are we going to do with the dog while we are gone? What am I going to make for dinner? Who needs refills on their medications? Did I take a shower today? Did I remember to put on deodorant? What Christmas gifts do I still need to get? The list goes on and on.  It has no end. 

Is my forgetfulness a product of lack of sleep or am I really loosing my mind? Is it a product of just being a mom and having mommy brain? Is it a combination of all of it? The answer to that is still up in the air.  Maybe we all slowly loose our minds as we age.  What a scary feeling that is to think about. My heart goes out to those that are affected by clinically diagnosed dementia or Alzheimer’s disease. I know how crazy I feel at the moment, and I can’t even begin to imagine how they feel. Hopefully, my mommy brain will get better. Hopefully, my brain will return to full capacity. Unfortunately, I don’t think I will be holding my breath waiting for that to happen.  To all you moms out there who think you are loosing your mind, I am right there with you. I understand you! I don’t know how to fix it or if it can even be fixed, but just knowing I am not alone, sure does help. One of my friends posted something on Facebook last night, and I don’t think she would mind me sharing it. She posted…

You know what I love? How every mom is different, how every mom feels like she’s slowly losing her mind, and how every mom is actually killing it at the mom game. Yes, I’m talking to you. You right there reading this. You think you’re failing. But you’re slaying it. Just needed you to hear that.

That was totally what I needed to hear last night after the fiasco of searching for my stuff. Hearing that made me realize that I am not alone, so I want you to hear it too.  We (moms) are totally slaying it. Yes, we are! We may be slowly loosing it, but we are still kicking butt! Just remember that! When you feel like you are going insane, remember you are still rocking this mom thing!

Anchored, Forgetful, and Killing it,

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